An Attempt to Untangle My Mind

Maybe this should have been my first post.
How is it that an idea does not stay put in my mind for more than 2 seconds? I had so many things to write about and I just forgot, it's insane and maddening, frustrating.
But I seriously need to move out, I don't know why but I feel I need to find myself in a totally new environment, I feel like my growth is stalled, although this is again one of my tons of excuses and the example of how I blame other things and people for my own shortcomings.
Right now I feel that I should watch what I write here because I don't want the people who know me to know what really goes on in my mind, to know all my faults,
I also watch what I say because I care too much about other people's opinions and feelings and seriously, I don't want to give-in to these Western ideas of individualism and breaking-free-from-all-restrictions and I don't know, so many other modern crap, but they are really tempting and true...
I'm rambling right now, but I really started this blog to just do that, clear out or at least put down in a more organized manner the ramblings in my head, so that at least when I start to think about something, I won't leave it in mid-sentence, by writing it down, I'd be at least forced to finish it, my mind is so confused right now that if it was possible to get a picture of it, it would look like the most hectic and messed-up war zone ever, all thought, ideas, feelings, goals, plans, projects and tons of others things are criss-crossing and bumping into each other at high-speed.